Single ladies! I bet we can agree that at some point we have all considered joining/ snuck on to take a peek of/ explained to friends why we don’t want to sign up for/ or had to come up with a good reason to give a guy about why we are on: an ONLINE DATING SITE.

Yuck, right? I don’t mean yuck because of utilizing online dating, I mean yuck because of the thought process, the justification, the nerves, and the concern of stigma. YUCK

So, as for me, I had always been unsure about the whole online dating thing. I mean it seemed like a great idea but I wasn’t sure it was for me. I really just wanted to meet someone in person and hit it off, not feel like I was looking through a male order catalog (get it?!). However, I was also sick of meeting guys at bars and having them try to take me home or give them my number only to get a 12:30 AM text that says “wat r u up to?” P.S. Totally off topic but I hate spelling errors and lazy spelling, if this is the only effort you are going to try and put in to get me to jump in the sack with you then at least take the time to fully write out your text. So I took a break from meeting guys.

I was at my GYN’s office last year and was sitting in the room with him while he was reviewing the routine questions that his nurse had asked me and he noticed one and said “Oh she made a mistake on this answer, she wrote that you are not sexually active”. I explained that that was correct and he looked at me quizzically and asked “Is there some sort of problem? Are you having pain or discomfort with intercourse?” I don’t know that a question has ever caught me so off guard! I stammered that there was no pain, I just didn’t have anyone that I was . . . doing that with . . . right now. It had never occurred to me that not having sex would be such a controversial thing! Without even knowing it, my break had turned into a major dry spell.

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t take my GYN’s shock as a ‘use it or lose it’ warning, if anything I decided to be flattered that my male lady-doctor would think the only plausible reason I wasn’t having sex was because something wasn’t working properly but it did get me thinking. I had been asked  frequently by friends if I had ever considered online dating in the past and had always changed the subject quickly but late last winter I found myself actually thinking about it. I talked about it with one of my closest friends and asked if she thought I should do it given I wasn’t NOT looking for a relationship but I wasn’t sure I was looking for one either. Her point of view was that the fact that I had no expectations actually made it a perfect time to test it out. She had a point, I was really happy with the way my life was and nothing felt missing so why not sign up and worst case scenario get some dating experience or best case scenario really hit it off with someone.

I was a little timid about the idea at first, I worried about not being able to describe myself at all in my profile and got nervous about anyone I know in real life seeing me on these sites but decided to bite the bullet and try it out. I actually waited until visiting my friend that I discussed it with and she helped build my profile and choose pictures to put up, I wanted the photos to be flattering but it was also really important to me that they accurately showed what I look like because I didn’t want to meet someone and have them feel like in person I didn’t live up to my pictures. Let me tell you, the insecurities wear off right away because as a girl the first few days of being on an online dating site are a giant ego boost. My email notifications kept going off telling me that so an so wanted to meet me or blah blah blah had sent me a message (eventually you learn to turn the email notifications off and use the app or get rid of notifications all together).

It’s now about six months later and I go through spurts of having my profile on these sites then taking it down. It really depends on how I’m feeling about dating or even online dating at that moment, sometimes I’m all in, sometimes I don’t feel like I have the time or I feel like I have too much going on to want to meet new people and other times I’m not sure and decide that I will leave my profile up but only make an effort to interact with a guy if I really find him interesting.

I don’t know what the rest of you lovely ladies have for rules in regards to online dating, I don’t think I have strict rules for myself but I definitely have more insight than when I started. For instance, if I received a message from someone that had no picture on their profile I used to worry that asking for one would seem shallow but my stance on this has changed. The internet has done away with ‘blind dates’; there are no more “you’ll recognize me by the flower in my hair” bullshit, I’ll recognize you by how you look because I’ve seen your photo. Recently I had someone message who didn’t have a photo up and after he called me beautiful not once but twice, and told me that he liked my smile I finally sent him a message that said “I feel a little bit at a disadvantage. Here you are telling me that you like my smile and I feel like I’m talking to the man without a face” (yes I know that if they’ve actually seen the movie, Man Without A Face, they probably don’t like the reference but I use it anyways), “I could walk right by you tomorrow and not even know it”. I figure this is a nicety for “send me your picture now”. Also, if a guy asks me for my phone number and I feel it’s too soon, I say so. There is no reason for a complete stranger to be walking around with my telephone number unless I feel that I have gotten to know enough about them and would really like to be hearing from them again. On the first day I joined a dating site, someone sent me a message and asked if I wanted to get a drink, I thought to myself that it was great that this guy realized that this is a DATING site not a TALKING site and said yes right away. 50 First Dates and Counting no longer thinks that it’s awesome to be asked out in the first correspondence. I want a guy to get to know more about me and decide based on that if they want to take me out, just like I want to find out more about them and see if it seems like we may click – I have gone out with a few people who asked right away or at least the first day that they wrote to me and have never been satisfied with the outcome. I also only go on a date with guys I met online on a week night – as far as I’m concerned weekends are reserved for people that I KNOW I want to spend time with, that way if I don’t enjoy myself I have an excuse to go home early and wasting a Tuesday night is so much better than not having a good time on a Saturday night. Most importantly, I always meet in a public place and let someone know where I am going (sorry to sound like I just morphed into your mom but . . . ) and I don’t get into the guy’s car on a first date – I’m talking from experience on that one, I did and he was a weiiiirdo, I mean I’m still in one piece but will never repeat that mistake again. Not worth it, Ladies, and don’t ever meet someone at their house for the first time unless Nev from Catfish is with you (better yet, don’t get yourself into a situation where you need Nev’s services)!

I would say that in the past six months of online dating: I’ve had great conversations, flirtations, fun dates, offers for sex, requests to join a couple for a threesome (I really shouldn’t say request(s), it was one request), an almost relationship, a couple of disappointments, a one night stand, a really really really terrible date, and over all good learning experiences. I used to think that once I was ready for a relationship I would automatically find one but I realized since then that if I just jumped into a serious relationship how would I get the opportunity to date and figure out what I’m actually looking for.

All in all, I would say that I have learned that there are definitely plenty of fish in the sea (sorry, couldn’t help it) and I have my line baited but am not always watching the pole.

Image credit: iphone/my online dating account/douchebag from england>

*username and face masked to protect the privacy of said douchebag