Everyone has someone that they think about from time to time or play out scenarios in their heads – you know, the ‘what ifs’. If we’ve lost contact with that person, we wonder what their life is like, if they’re happy and we can’t help but ponder if our lives would be different if they were still in the picture. Well the thing is, everyone has someone like this so that means that there is a very good chance that we are that person for someone else.  Sometimes, we know that there is someone out there carrying a torch for us, or keeping a special place for us in their memory. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they would drop everything to be with us if we asked but there is a certain comfort in knowing that you are wanted, especially when someone else has just made you feel tossed aside and uncared for.

Years ago, I was that person for a guy I knew in college. For the purpose of this blog, let’s call him Alan Shore. I met him my sophomore year in college, he had come to town to visit mutual friends. He told a friend after the fact, that when he saw me for the first time, it was like a cheesy teenage movie – time stopped and everything stood still except for me walking into the room. My friend probably should have kept that to herself, I know for a fact she regretted telling me because for months after that I would walk into a room and either move in slow motion or ask her if I had just stopped her time.

He was visiting for a week and we spent a lot of time together. I was dating my ex-boyfriend and although we weren’t exclusive at the time, I didn’t expect anything to develop between us. Most of the time we were together in a larger group with friends but one night we spent some one on one time with each other and we ended up kissing (well, maybe a teensy bit more than kissing). I had such mixed feelings about what had happened, Alan’s interest in me made me drawn to him but I couldn’t help feeling like I was betraying someone. I kept my distance for a few days after that, seeing him only once at a friend’s house and made sure to stay away from him whenever possible.

Later that week, my roommate Jess and I were throwing a party and  Alan Shore was invited. I was so confused as to what I wanted, what I felt and what I would be okay with doing. Finally, I stopped over thinking and started having a good time. Everyone was having fun, we were all drinking, playing games, laughing and just having a great time. Alan Shore and I ended up going into the bedroom and were making on my roommate’s bed (yes, my roommate’s bed and no I don’t know why and yes, she’s going to read this and remember how mad that made her!) when all of a sudden. . .  I didn’t feel so good . . . I pushed him off of me, ran into the bathroom and puked. I actually hadn’t had that much to drink that night so I think the fact that I had been drinking alcohol was just a coincidence but never the less, I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom while everyone else enjoyed themselves. Jess and her sisters who were visiting took turns coming in and sitting with me, A. Shore kept volunteering to take a turn but I let them know that I did not want him coming in to watch me toss my cookies.

Finally I had had enough. I asked for everyone to be sent home.  Jess went out and explained that I wasn’t feeling any better and unfortunately had asked that they wrap it up and call it a night. Alan came up to her and asked if I  meant everyone, he said that he wanted to stay over even if that meant sleeping on the couch so that he could say goodbye to me in the morning as he had an early flight home. Jess knew that there was no way that I would agree to that so she told him that yes, I had meant everyone. She decided to try and make him feel better and said that I had told her to give something to him from me and she kissed him.

So he went home with a proxy kiss from my roommate (which was completely her idea by the way, I tend to do my kissing myself).  My life went back to normal, or as normal as my life seems to get but that was not the last I would hear from Alan Shore.