My senior year in college, as the year was winding down and we were getting into the fun activities right before graduation, I found myself interested in someone.  We had been at the same school for the past four years and had a lot of the same friends but had never met before. He had spent the last semester in LA and was back at school only for the week to participate in the festivities and attend graduation. One of our mutual friends decided to introduce us because he knew that LA (not the greatest nickname I know, but we all called him a nickname so I can’t use that and I seem to be coming up empty in the nickname creating dept. tonight) needed a ticket to go on the senior booze cruise and I happened to have an extra. After we talked that night I decided to give him my ticket (no, that’s not a metaphor . . .well, actually it might be) and I realized that I was attracted to him. There was plenty going on that week so I ran into him almost every night, we flirted here and there and I often hoped to get his attention when we were in the same place. It seemed to be working, I noticed him watching me a few times and he even walked by me at a senior event and ruffled my hair.

Later in the week after a party, I was crashing at a house that six of my guy friends lived in because the train had already stopped running that night and it just so happened that LA was spending the night there as well. We spent some time together that evening and ended up, let’s say, getting to know each other better. A few nights later we were both at a party that happened to be at my friend John’s apartment. John had gone home to New Jersey and he wasn’t there for the gathering that his roommates were throwing so my roommate and I snuck into his room to leave him a note. John and I had this running gag that I was in love with him so I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote him a fake love letter. The letter was meant to be creepy and it was ~ “I’m blowing you a kiss that you can’t dodge”, “I was so excited to be in the same room that you sleep in”, “Love forever and ever”. I left the letter on John’s pillow and went out to enjoy the party. After that night, I ran into LA very infrequently but when I did I definitely got the impression that he was actively avoiding me. It bummed me out a little but I didn’t give it that much thought. We all graduated and had one last big party. As the night went on, it became clear that he was trying to stay as far away from me as possible. I decided to pull him aside to see what was going on but when I did, he gave me this talk about only being here for such a short time and not wanting to get my hopes up or make me think that this could be more than it was. Well I wasn’t hurt or upset but I was definitely insulted. I couldn’t believe how conceited he must be to imagine that fooling around with him once was going to make me fall head over heels or make me desperate to be with him.

LA became old news and a few weeks later I was telling the story about sneaking into John’s room and mentioned that I was surprised to not have heard from him after leaving my creepy, funny, over the top love letter. A mutual friend of all three of us told me that LA had stayed at their apartment that night and had slept in John’s room so perhaps he moved the note from John’s pillow and forgot to put it back. And that’s when I realized, that while I had signed my name on the note, I had not addressed it to anyone. . . My roommate was right nearby and heard and whispered to me “Oh my god! LA found the note and thought you left it on his pillow!”. Yup, that’s right. I hooked up with a guy and left a profession of love on his pillow. So yeah, it wouldn’t be that far fetched that he would feel the need to explain that things were not becoming serious between us (and try to let the crazy girl, who fell in love with him after one night, down gently).

At the time, this story felt cringeworthy but life is meant to be memorable which doesn’t mean it’s meant to always go smoothly. So go ahead, make eye contact with the cute guy at bar, smile at him and do things to catch his eye but remember whenever you write a love letter – real or fake, maybe write the name of who it’s to on it.