Seven years: a blink of an eye or an eternity? I think that the answer depends on what seven years is the sum of. In regards to the seven years I am thinking of, the answer is both. What seven year span am I talking about? My last relationship.

Ending a seven year relationship when you are twenty six years old is pretty surreal. At that time, I had been a part of a couple for almost my entire adult life. I had thought about ending things between us a few times in the last two or three years that we were together but had always changed my mind. When I was finally ready to leave, I realized that in the back of my head that whole time (now very much making it’s way into the forefront) was a fear or being single. The anxiety of being on my own made me drag out the breakup and lie not only to him but to myself as well, about what it was I was feeling. I was scared that, even though my life with him wasn’t what I wanted, my life without him would be even worse.

I moved out on my own and wasn’t sure what to expect.  This was my first time living by myself, I imagined my life being lonely, boring and sad. And was I? Yeah of course I was at times, who wouldn’t be after living with other people for twenty six years? But that was only at first.  I started spending more time with friends, friends who I probably should have been making more time for all along. This also happened to coincide with me taking on more responsibilities and longer hours at work. Having a full schedule that kept me occupied was such a big help. Finally (and I really do believe that this is a progression and that this final step sneaks up on you), I started being more comfortable being alone and having chunks of time to myself. All of a sudden, I realized that I was having a blast leading a really fun and happy, although sometimes hectic, life as a single woman.

I became so busy that I started to worry that I was just too busy to date. I still do feel that way sometimes. A common perception of the single girl who starts to date is that she trades in countless nights spent on her couch in yoga pants and a sweatshirt for evenings in an LBD (haha, let’s discuss this misconception ~ when was the last time you put on a LITTLE BLACK DRESS to go on a first date? How about BT,B,JAB ~BLACK TANK, BLAZER, JEANS AND BOOTS) enjoying a night of exotic cocktails and dancing. I for one, have so few evenings home on the couch that I have to be pretty interested in a guy to want to trade too many of these nights in in order to spend time with him.  I’ve stopped putting too much pressure on myself to be open minded and realized that if something feels like a deal breaker then maybe it is for me, and I don’t necessarily need to talk myself out of feeling that way. For example (and I feel like I’m going to catch flack for saying this but for the sake of honesty I’m going to write it anyways) I had been planning on going on a date with a new guy and am now on the fence. Why? Well, one thing that I can’t help but feel like is a major strike against him is that he is a vegan. I love cooking for, and with, someone I’m dating; the idea of preparing two dinners for one just doesn’t appeal to me. Silly as it may seem, I’m also a huge fan of going out to breakfast (no joke, widely known fact about me) and he already told me he doesn’t enjoy that as his menu options are limited. Now, don’t get me wrong, any dietary decisions you make are your choice and you shouldn’t be judged for them and this guy in particular has chosen this due to inhumane animal killing practices. That being said, I am a meat eater through and through and he has made a few comments already alluding that he would be actively trying to get me to change my ways and I have gotten the sense that there is a bit of judgement on his part towards me that I’m pretty satisfied with my own eating habits and don’t plan on changing. (I had texted a good friend and asked if I was going to sound like a simpleton for admitting that I didn’t see myself dating a vegan and she responded “No. You can explain thats it’s really just that if you are going to be serious about giving something the chance to grow you have to be able to see yourself long term being comparable lifestyle-wise and as a girl who loves her red meat still mooing, you can’t see yourself compromising for quinoa and bean curd”. Well said, byline pending. . . Since I’m opting to be anonymous myself, I won’t be putting her name to the quote unless she decides that’s what she wants but don’t be surprised if this is revised to add a footnote.

The other thing I find myself wanting to know from prospective dates is what they miss most about being in a relationship. I ask this for a few reasons; one being that they may have a completely different idea of what being in a relationship is like than I do. If they are looking for someone to spend every waking moment with, I’m not the girl for them. The last guy I dated used to tease me about my ‘one night a week’ dating – now that was an exaggeration, I have no fixed number of times set aside to spend with someone and we probably saw each other about three times a week or so but once we decided to be exclusive he started trying to make sure that we spent time together every day and honestly, that was a bit too much for me. The other reason I ask is because truthfully, I don’t know that there is a whole lot about being in a relationship that I miss. That doesn’t mean that there wasn’t plenty that I enjoyed but I don’t feel like my life is missing anything.

I think that writing this post, I’m making myself out to sound like the iron maiden and I definitely don’t mean to.  I’m not set on a life alone, it’s just that I don’t mind it either. I don’t have a ton of free time and therefore do become a bit protective of it. I’ve decided not to feel ashamed about considering whether or not I’m interested enough in a guy to choose going out with him over a fun night out with friends, or whether I’m going to regret shuffling my work schedule around and going into work two hours early the next day in order to see him that night, or maybe it has been a really long time since I lounged on my couch, glass of wine in hand, watching a chick flick!

So a seven year relationship that felt like an eternity then and an existence that I was scared to break out of, now does feel like the blink of an eye. My life now, the single life that I was terrified of, makes me content and is comfortable and happy. To think that I went from being afraid of being alone to being concerned about having to incorporate someone else into my life seems like such irony. I’ve decided that there is nothing wrong with leading a busy life and when the right person comes along I will make time for them because they will be worth it. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish with my free time living sorta young, sometimes wild and free.