It was my senior year of college and Alan Shore was in town for a visit (if you don’t remember Alan Shore, check out my 4th blog post The Out of Towner). Now this wasn’t the first time I had seen Mr. Shore since the year we met, he had come up the year in between as well with a girl he was dating who clearly knew about me and clearly wasn’t a fan ~ I only spent one night hanging out with them and one night was definitely enough since most of my time was also spent pretending I didn’t notice that she was verbally ‘throwing bows’ at me all evening. A year later he came back on his own, things hadn’t worked out between them and he was single. I was single as well (I told you that it was a very off and on relationship with my ex, especially at the beginning), but hadn’t wanted to talk about it so I decided not to tell anyone.
Alan Shore was staying at our mutual friends’ house and they invited everyone over to come see him and hang out the night that he got there. It was a fun night and when I got home he instant messaged me to tell me it was nice to see me. He started telling me about breaking up with his girlfriend and how he wanted to find a relationship like the one I was in. I ended up telling him that I wasn’t in a relationship at that time but that I was hoping that it was just a break and that I wasn’t ready to tell many people yet. A. Shore told me he would keep it to himself which I was really glad to hear because it wasn’t a subject I wanted to talk about just yet.
As the week went on, Alan started to let me know he was still interested in me. He didn’t do anything crazy, just things like if a bunch of us went out for drinks and I sat down at a table and someone else put their jacket down to sit across from me, he would walk over and make a point of moving the coat out of his way so that he could sit across from me instead. One night, after a party we were all at, he asked one of my friends that he was staying with to make up a reason for why he needed to come and crash at my apartment with my roommate and I. Nothing happened but spending time with him was definitely helping me take my mind off of my recent break up and it was a fun change from the norm.
As I’ve said before, I was never quite sure what my feelings were for Alan Shore but he was a good guy and was fun to be around. The fact that he liked me was also a bit of a draw and I started to think that maybe I did want something to happen between us but just wasn’t positive. I decided to tell my roommate Jess everything, I told her about the break up and that I was enjoying the attention from our visitor. There was a big party to celebrate the start of Spring Break coming up in a few days and it was being held at the house he was staying in. Jess offered to spend the night there so that Alan could come home with me if I wanted. I told her that I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know if I was ready for anything to happen with anyone else since I wasn’t over my ex and that I was concerned that if something were to happen that night that Alan might get the wrong idea and think that there was something more going on between us than what actually was. Jess ended up talking to him about it ~ he had actually asked her a few times that week what she thought his chances were with me and thinking that I was dating someone else she had told him zero each time. She told him that she knew now that I was single and that she thought that 0% chance she had wagered might be a bit off, she did tell him that she was concerned that even if anything started to happen between us I may not be ready and might stop it. He told her that he didn’t have any expectations and was hoping we could spend a night together even if nothing all that physical ended up happening.
I had a great time at the party both with Alan Shore and with my friends. As the party was winding down and people were heading out, I did decide that I wasn’t quite ready to say goodnight to A. Shore and he ended up coming home with me. I was relieved to know that there were no expectations and that he already had a clue that I might not want to take things very far but what actually happened was not what I had expected. Alan and I ended up at my apartment, finally alone, and I felt like not only was I ready but I wanted to sleep with him. Just as we were about to, he put on a condom and . . . . . . CHANGED HIS MIND. We spent the rest of the night laying there cuddling while he alternated between going on about what a disappointment this must be for me and then telling me that he couldn’t sleep with me knowing that he really cared about me and to me, he was just another dude. Now don’t get me wrong, he had no obligation to have sex with me and it wasn’t like some double standard where he wasn’t going to put any pressure on me if I didn’t want to but I was going to give him a hard time (pun intended) when he didn’t want to. What bothered me the most was the assumptions that he always seemed to be making about me. Despite the build up in his head about us and how much he thought he cared about me, he didn’t actually know that much about me and definitely didn’t know anything about my sex life. If we had ended up having sex, he would have been the second person that I had ever slept with. He wouldn’t have been ‘just another dude’ because he would have been one of only two dudes.
Since he didn’t live in Boston and I knew for a fact that he had spent the last of the cash he had on him paying for the cab ride to my place, it wasn’t like I could try to call it a night and send him on his way. So he stayed the rest of the night and the next day we made our way back over to our friends’ house because I was meeting up with most of them to head out of town for Spring Break. It was a pretty surreal morning after. Most of our friends knew that Alan really liked me and assumed that we had had sex so my guy friends were literally all high fiving him as we walked in while I’m trailing behind him fuming because instead of sex, I had pretty much been lectured all night and he was getting congratulated for it. I said goodbye to Alan and hit the road with my friends. I still see him now and then but nothing ever happened between us again. He told my roommate a while after that, that he hoped we would see each other in about ten years or so at a friend’s wedding and end up getting together. It hasn’t quite been ten years yet, it’s only been eight but I just don’t see that happening; I think Alan Shore and I are better off friends and the condom shouldn’t even come out of the wrapper again (because we won’t have sex not because we just won’t use a condom).