Many a single girl has sat around with her girlfriends, adult-bev in hand or met them for a mid (read:late) morning brunch (again probably with adult-bev in hand) categorizing guys into two groups: the nice guys and the douchebags. I have been that girl; hell, I am that girl (and not just because I LOVE brunch). Both labels usually leave either the interested party or her friends rationalizing why the others need to give the guy a chance. The friends are rooting for the good guy, “But he’s SUCH a nice guy!”. Like you should just lock and load and show up at his place with all your stuff because it’s clear that if you decide to commit, your prefab relationship is ready and waiting for you and all you have to do is say yes to Mr. Dependable (that may be an exaggeration, don’t test it out and sub-lease your place ladies, it was just a little stretch for argument’s sake). You on the other hand (you being me, you, and all of those friends at some point when they were in your shoes), are trying to list the good qualities that Mr. No Good for You has that you feel they’re overlooking. Because, we all want that guy to prove us wrong and turn out to be Mr. Diamond in the Rough, or Mr. Rough Around the Edges, right? I have done it all, I have given the nice guy a chance, I have ignored friends’ warnings about the ones that weren’t right for me and I once even tamed the bad guy. That’s right ladies, I have been the myth; I was once the girl that made the bad boy change his ways (that doesn’t mean I would do it again and it doesn’t mean you should try it either, but that is a different story for a different day). All I’m saying is, I’ve had my share of both.
Cut to the twenty four year old. Last year, one of the first guys I dated after deciding to give this whole DATING thing a try, was the stereotypical Nice Guy. I found myself responding to his messages because I had just been hurt by someone that I really liked and wanted to get my mind off of that. When 24 asked me out, I thought it wasn’t the greatest of ideas – I mean I was 29 but . . . I decided I should say yes since we had been talking for a while. As it turns out, our date didn’t feel like the obligation that I thought it would, I actually had a good time. We started seeing each other and I couldn’t believe how different it was to date a NICE GUY, I mean we even went six whole dates before having sex (that’s right, we’ve talked about him a little before in Sex ~ Worth the Wait? a.k.a. Maybe I Do Wanna Be A Tease). Things seemed like they were about to get serious; he was definitely a bit of a serial monogamist which was apparent but I was willing to go along for the ride. He tried to make sure that we got to see each other everyday, which seemed to be important to him in a relationship; he even used to joke that he felt it was his responsibility to make that happen as if it were up to me, we would have a once a week relationship (not true, but maybe a happy medium wouldn’t have hurt). We both were headed into a period where our schedules were about to get a bit crazy, he was taking a course and I was about to move and it wasn’t going to allow us to spend every waking-not working-second together and I could tell that for him it was causing a bit of a strain. He told me he was stressed thinking about the new responsibilities he was about to take on with the program he had just joined and wasn’t sure how he was going to juggle the class, manage to get good grades and spend time with me. I wasn’t sure if it bothered him because he wanted to make seeing me a priority or whether he was wanting to call it a day but I realized that with my impending move and the craziness of the upcoming summer, I wasn’t sure I wanted to put that much work into something this new and was okay with letting things fizzle between us. We ended things amicably (because that’s what you do with nice guys) and went our separate ways.
I heard from 24 now and then during the summer, usually I would hear from him when I had been drinking (I’m assuming that he was too). He would text that he was heading out to a bar that he knows I go to and was hoping to run into me or that he missed me and we should get together or that it had been awhile since we’d spoken and should catch up soon. Each time I was tempted to say yes or go see him but something always made me reconsider and decide to keep my distance. I wasn’t upset or angry, I didn’t harbor any ill will but it just seemed like 24’s and my song had played out and I wasn’t feeling like pressing rewind.
Fast forward to six or seven months later (last cassette reference I promise). 24 was dating someone and aside from one time when he posted on facebook about a party he was throwing then drunkenly started following me on instagram later that night and liked every selfie I had ever posted, I hadn’t heard from him since he started seeing her . I was with friends, staying up way too late, having too much fun when I noticed a missed call had come in at 2:00am from good ol’ 24 . . . One of my nearest and dearest (I was gonna call her my ride or die, but I just couldn’t bring myself to) had always thought he was great and that I shouldn’t have let him go, so when my phone rang again she picked up. I don’t think the call went as either had planned, since he planned to talk to me and instead reached her and she planned to have a heart to heart and instead he told her to go to bed and put me on the phone (probably not the smartest idea to be shitty to the one person who was rooting for you, but oh well). I had no intention of having a middle of the night, alcohol induced conversation with him so I passed on picking up. When I wouldn’t come to the phone, 24 hung up and proceeded to text (again, not sure of the line of thinking since you already know my friend is the one in possession of my phone . . .). He said that he and his girlfriend had broken up and it was mutual and we had always had fun together so maybe I should head over to his place, he’d wait up. Well, that sent my gal pal right over the edge. She had always gone on and on about what a nice guy he was and how I threw in the towel too soon with him so his trying to line up a late night rendezvous made her see red. She responded that first of all I am not a booty call nor a rebound (direct quote, she said she wrote nor instead of or to sound like me), 24 told her that that was not what he meant . . . but if I wasn’t coming over he was going to sleep. “You’ll be fine on your own” a.k.a. conversation over asshole.
The next day I got a text from him apologizing for the drunk dial. Before I could respond, I got another text from a number I didn’t know that said “It’s ok hun”. He sent a group text to apologize!!!!! So not only had he drunk dialed enough people to warrant a group text but he didn’t realized that each person could see everyone else’s response. I was still with my friend from the night before and when I showed her, we both died laughing. She almost took my phone again and responded to the group that things were okay with her too but we decided to give him a break and not blow up his spot in front of the other female mystery texter.
That’s the thing about the Nice Guys , our friends root for them and they sometimes seem like such a change from the other guys we’re used to but I bet each nice guy has a story about the girl they were less than nice too. There was probably a time when another group of girls sat around chatting and your nice guy was in their douchebag category. Just the way that guy that dicked you over and your friends and you all roll your eyes when his name comes up and talk about how you can’t believe you ever saw anything in him or can’t believe the amount of time you spent crying over him ~yeah, him. You know who I mean. He’s some girl’s boyfriend now and makes her feel like the luckiest girl in the world (I mean, there may be some exceptions to this theory – Charles Manson, etc, etc). Everyone has some story from their past about how they treated someone else worse than they should’ve, it’s just the way it is. He might be your dreamboat, your perfect match, your amazing catch but at some point he was probably someone else’s douche drunk dialing and group texting trying to track down a bed buddy. Let’s hope those girls all had their best friends nearby to set him straight.