What Are We Dating For? (Because He Thinks He’s A Freak In The Sheets When They’re All Just A Freak With The Tweets) AKA #NoThanksPerv

photo-8 OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, eHarmony, Match.com: sites filled with people who are searching for love, romancefriendship, sex, sex? A connection. The type of connection DEFINITELY may vary but everyone there has the same basic purpose, they are searching for something that they can only be found in another person.

Now, just because everyone on these sites is looking for something and has a need (or want) that only another person can provide doesn’t mean that it’s the same thing you’re looking for or that realizing that they’re not will be any easier. But, sometimes it is. ~Cue the douchebag message~. That’s right ladies, Mr. Thinks He’s a Freak in the Sheets when He’s Really Just a Freak with the Tweets has his sights set on you and thinks he is filling your inbox with proof that he is going to rock your world (or schedule a blow job sesh or even get you to agree to give him a golden shower ~ but don’t worry, he’s pretty positive that it will be as magical for you as it already is for him just by thinking about it). He’ll be quicker to compliment you on your anatomy than your profile or even your eyes or smile. He may throw in a little small talk before he offers you a massage (because rando massage offers are innocuous and not at all creepy, right?) but more than likely he will just cut to the chase and ask you some incredibly personal question about what you will and won’t agree to in sexual situations or describe his manhood to you. In detail. But don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, sexy, because he copied and pasted the message to 17 other girls in the past half hour. Mr. Freak is hoping that there is power in numbers and that statistics will be on his side while he message bombs you and every other female within a 50 mile radius.
Believe me, I know all about it. Like the rest of you out there dabbling in online dating, I have received my share. I’ve been offered countless massages from guys in the very first encounter, been told penis size, asked if I give good head, been invited into threesomes and those are just the run of the mill -don’t even surprise me anymore- messages.  Then there’s the cut to the chase “Submissive?” without even a hello prior to it, the twenty-one year old that told me he was rich and would like to use me sexually in exchange for gifts and nice dinners, the foot fetish-er (yeah, I know, not a real word) who would kill to lick my feet; Sorry pal, this isn’t Sex and the City and I’m not Charlotte about to get a new pair of shoes out of the bargain. And of course, my favorite (and probably yours too because it seems to be a common theme): the guy that just jerked off to my pictures and wants to make sure I know about it, because that right there is true flattery. And two of those examples are just from this past week. Amiright Ladies?

So what I want to know some days, when single girls using dating sites seem to be fodder for perverts and creeps, is what are we dating for? I  know I’m not the first girl to find myself needing an OkCupid-PlentyofFish-Tinder hiatus from time to time especially after being inundated with rude, lewd and downright gross messages but something always makes me sign back in. I guess I end up deciding that I can laugh and block my way through all the messages from all the Mr. Freaks out there and keep myself open to the possibility that Mr. Right (or Mr. Fun or Mr. Charming or even Mr. Right Place Right Time) might be around the corner. I don’t know about you but I think I’m going to just keep saying #NoThanksPerv to all the sleazebuckets out there and continue to search for something more, for a connection.

 

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